Sept 7, 2025

“You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don’t make money your goal. Instead, pursue the things you love doing and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off of you.” 

 

Maya Angelou 

I'm writing this on Monday morning. I find that Monday mornings are the worst for imposter syndrome. I look back at my drawings for the previous week and think, what am I doing here? What possessed me to think I could ever do this or be good enough? And then I remember I have to go back to work, and I wonder if I'm ever going to be an actual artist, and if I'm always going to be stuck in misery at a job that doesn't pay enough to cover my phone bill, never mind for how often I feel humiliated and stupid.

On Mondays, reality hits me with the force of a meteor striking earth. I'm reminded that I'm not nearly as good as I thought I was on Sunday night. My belief that I might be able to make something of myself evaporates.

Thoughts on family get-togethers (I really love my family, and actually really enjoy being with them, but I was having a moment on Saturday).

I suppose that what makes a person an expert at something is less a talent or skill and more the refusal to give up. An insane need to keep on with something, to keep moving forward even when you can't see where you're going or what you're going to get out of it. That stubborn refusal to quit, when quitting would be the easy thing to do. And on Monday mornings, the urge to just quit is so strong I can taste it. I'm tired and broke and done with it all. What's the point?

In all honesty, I really do not know. If I do ever find it, I am sure you'll be the first to hear about it.